Saturday, June 2, 2012

The Most Intimidating Place in the World

The community swimming pool.  Ugh.  It's bad enough during a "normal" summer, but this being a pregnant summer....the intimidation level is multiplied.

Moms, you should not look that good after having children.  It's really not fair at all.  Do you starve yourself and/or workout like crazy five days a week?  Please say that you do.  If you say that you're just blessed with such bodies, I will gag.  And must you wear such small swimsuits while I'm wearing one as big as possible to cover up?  Skinny pregnant women....I just have no words.

Women, is it really necessary to wear your giant rings to the pool?  You realize when the sun hits multiple carats of diamonds it can be blinding, don't you?  Oh, you do know that.  Of course you do.

Dads, if you're sent to the pool with the responsibility of watching your children, please do so.  Watch your children and make them behave.  Don't let them climb up the slide or let your big kids run over the little ones.  When the lifeguard has to correct your children, don't act like you didn't see what was happening when you were standing right there witnessing it all.

Men, please don't wear white swim trunks or Speedos.  Please.

I wonder if Kris will ever let us build a pool of our own.  Hhmmm.....

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