Monday, August 22, 2011

Fix You

Is this night number seven?  nine?  twelve?  I don't know, but it feels like number fourteen.  What has happened to my Sadie?  Why is she not sleeping?  She's been waking up each night and staying awake from one to three hours.  It's killing us.

Tonight she woke up at 12:30-something.  I decide that I'm going to go all Super Nanny on her.  We've tried patting her on the back, holding/bouncing her, rocking her, going to the guest bed with her....we can't do that every night.  Something's gotta give.  So Super Nanny it is.  I went to her room and told her to lie down.  She did.  I stood over her and prayed.  I thought she was out, left the room, and as soon as I sat on the edge of my bed, the tears started again.  I go back.  Sadie, lie down.  She did.  But she cried.  And I prayed some more.  And she cried some more.  I gave her a bottle, told her to lie down, I left the room.  (We're on about minute 40 here.)  She drank the bottle, was quiet for a few minutes, and then stood up crying.  Again.  So again, I go to her room.  Sadie, LIE down.  I have no new words to pray.  I'm so thankful that we can go helplessly/wordlessly to the Lord.  

As I left her room (now over an hour from the first time she woke up), Coldplay's lyrics kept going through my mind.  I'm sitting here at my computer while keeping an eye on the baby monitor, and now I have this stuck in my head:

When you try your best, but you don't succeed (yeah, we've tried night after night to sleep)
When you get what you want, but not what you need 
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep (AMEN!)
Stuck in reverse (that's what it feels like - we went from good sleeping to.....)

And the tears come streaming down your face (for hours and hours)
When you lose something you can't replace (can you truly replace lost sleep?)
When you love someone, but it goes to waste (my love for Sadie will NEVER go to waste)
Could it be worse? (yes, things could be much worse than not getting sleep - I should be thankful that's all I have to complain about)

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you (I wish I could "fix" her)

And high up above or down below (she's upstairs, we're downstairs)
When you're too in love to let it go  (I love her too much to let her cry in her room alone)
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you 

Yeah, I know, not exactly what the guys of Coldplay had in mind when they wrote this song.  I felt it applicable this evening (wait, morning) to my situation.

Good news, though!  After only an hour and a half, the monitor is now silent.  She's wiggling around, but she's not crying.  That's a start.  Please, Lord, help her go to sleep and STAY asleep!  Feel free in joining me in this prayer.  If you are awake at 2:03 a.m., that is.


christina said...

I feel your pain and I will remember you in my prayers when I am awake with Joshua. I hope things get better.

Anonymous said...

We had to start the Ferber method with Brady when he was about that age. It was the hardest week :(